I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
