Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
