My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
