if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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