I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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