i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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