i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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