Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
