I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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