I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
