youre lurking in front of me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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