I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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