my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
