he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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