yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
