as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
