my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
