Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
