So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
