The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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