Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
