Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
