ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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