my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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