Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
