I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
