Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
