Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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