If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i believe in u and ur pee
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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