I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
