The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
