Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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