its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
