that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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