His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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