Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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