apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
