drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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