shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
