Sponge bath it is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
