he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
