you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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