My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
