Don't you send me to vm
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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