How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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