She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
