I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
