i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
