Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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