HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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