Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
