so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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