if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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