margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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