i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
