i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
