Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
