I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
