Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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