ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
