His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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